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In my training and consulting work, I’ve learned one lesson repeatedly—the individuals and organizations that are best at navigating and influencing change, are those with the greatest ability to “think for themselves.”
People come to believe things for many reasons, but many of them are more emotional and relational than we would assume. We adopt many beliefs from our parents and grandparents, or cultural influences from our past. So much of what we think is shaped by what our peers are talking about, and what is happening in our current culture and society—whether it’s our feelings about politicians or A.I., what kinds of jobs are respectable, which sports teams to root for, when to start a family, etc.
When we are growing up, it’s normal for us to use these emotional and relational cues as guides to teach us and help us socialize and find our place in our communities and society. However, a sign of maturity and development is our increasing ability to form our own sense of self—which is able to integrate our influences and filter through all the pressures we face, and emerge with our own distinct beliefs and values.
When we’re able to do this, it often sounds like this: “Yes, I was raised this way and I share these particular values with my parents, but I differ from them in my view of how to discipline children.” Or, “Even though very few people are wearing face masks these days, I choose to do because of these reasons.”
The less sense of “self” we have, the more impressionable we will be. The more sense of “self” we have, the more we can resist pressures to conform or comply. This makes a huge difference in one’s ability to successfully navigate and influence change. It gives a person the mental fortitude to stick with a diet or exercise regimen for the long-term. It gives a leader the resolve to stay the course with the company’s mission—rather than be swayed by every fad, trend, or fluctuation in public opinion.
Here is a continuum of sorts, that shows the kinds of questions that may reveal how much “self” is behind our beliefs and values.
- I follow and believe everything this person or belief system claims. (Dogma)
- What are the rules? Am I doing it right or wrong? (Doctrine)
- I’m curious what might connect, or what I can learn from this. (Inquiry & Discernment)
- How would I frame or apply what I’m hearing to my own context, in my own words? (Integration & Defining My View)
The earlier questions—ones that show less of a sense of self—tend to fixate on alignment, and in a more black and white way. Do I or others share the same beliefs? Is this idea good or bad, right or wrong?
The later questions—ones that show more of a sense of self—tend to focus more on stimulating one’s thinking. I am not as focused on how much there is alignment or similarity of beliefs, but rather I am thinking about what connections I can take away from a set of ideas—and how I might apply them.
What fascinates me is that people might assume that “being more of a self” means being more fixed in one’s stated beliefs. In some contexts, dogma can even be heralded as a virtue of loyalty and conviction. Think of devout followers who have given their lives for a misguided group or leader, hanging onto their every word. But in that sense, I think dogmatic adherence shows less of a sense of self—especially when it comes to the discernment that is needed to navigate this world in a healthy manner.
Conviction is an admirable trait, but it doesn’t have to look like rigidity or uncritical adherence. In fact, the more confidence one has in one’s beliefs, the less threatened one should feel when those beliefs are challenged. When one has more of a sense of self, one can truly listen to other ideas and exchange critical ideas without losing one’s identity.
To be clear, being open-minded also does not mean having no core or foundation of belief. A person who claims to “agree with everyone” has just as little a sense of self, as a person who is locked into one dogmatic belief system. When one is secure in oneself, one has both a distinct identity and the ability to connect with and engage those who differ and disagree.
As a consultant and trainer, I try to help and support every client as much as I can. However, the people and organizations who make the most progress are both humble and confident. They always find something they can learn or take away, and they also don’t hesitate to share their own interpretations and applications. I’ve had the privilege of working with multiple organizations, where we made changes that had not been seen in the 100+ years of their history. That only happened because those leaders and organizations were able to think for themselves, and not get stuck in the way “things have always been.” If you or your company want to get “unstuck,” I’d love to support and partner with you in that!
In closing: our ability to “think for ourselves” also has implications for the health of the era we live in. In these polarizing times, I often hear people swing back and forth between dogmatic positions. This has troubled me, as I always felt there was a bigger problem than just which position was “right” or “wrong.” That problem is how one comes to one’s belief—which in turn influences how one treats other people. People mired in dogma are much more likely to attack other people, compared to those who are truly secure in their beliefs.
I recently heard someone say that if Americans are to overcome the problems that ail them, it won’t be because one side proves that it is right, or that all others happen to agree with it. It will be because people learn to dialogue and interact without dehumanizing each other. After all, that’s what it means to have “less of a sense of self”—we not only dehumanize other people, but we dehumanize ourselves. The more we invest and develop ourselves, the more we can help grow and heal our relationships, society, and world.
I hope this article was interesting to you or helpful for discussion in your team or group! If you ever want a trainer or facilitator to speak on these topics, I’m here. You can e-mail me or schedule a call on my website anytime.
Discussion or Reflection Questions:
- Thinking about your family or cultural upbringing, what’s one value or belief you inherited? As an adult, what’s one value or belief you adapted or formed for your own reasons?
- Applying the continuum in the article above: what resonates with you from this article, and what does it stimulate in your own thinking? What can you take away or apply that is helpful in your own contexts?
Found this article helpful? Pass it along to someone who might enjoy it, or recommend Adrian’s newsletter “Making Sense of Change” to someone who would appreciate these kinds of ideas.
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